I almost feel like what’s the point of reviewing this? Do I really have anything to say? No, at least nothing that’s already been said, but if I did that I wouldn’t really be doing my job as a reviewer. Pretty much, I feel like this movie is a missed opportunity. Here we have something that, with the proper execution, could have been really good. Instead I sat through an hour and a half of derivative and all around disappointing work.
After a bus crash leaves a group of tourists stranded on a dirt road in Brazil, they decide to go to the nearby beach (quite convenient) for a day and drinking, swimming, and taking their clothes off. The next day, they awaken with all of their money and passports gone. Now, desperate to get home, they become involved with a psychotic doctor who makes his living harvesting the organs of tourists to sell to the hospitals of South America.
The whole idea of harvesting organs is really cool, and grounded in some sort of sick reality. There’s a scene where the audience gets the grotesque pleasure of seeing the doctor at work, but that’s really all the sickening scenes that this movie has to offer. Look at a contemporary horror film of this genre, Hostel. Lots of good build up with some extra gruesome satisfaction as a payoff. Turistas has a lot of boring build up with one memorable scene for all of the effort it took to sit through the mediocre dialogue of the ensemble of two dimensional characters.
The actors are really nothing special. Josh Duhamel leads the cast with a performance that I can’t even remember. My eyes kept returning to Olivia Wilde because she’s Olivia Wilde. The only person that really kills it in this movie is Miguel Lunardi as Zamora, the doctor. He’s an evil son of a bitch with a great speech as he performs his operation. Why couldn’t there be more gut wrenching scenes like that? I don’t know what was more effective, the carving or the talking. There’s another cool scene of his involving a stick and an eye socket. The climax is also note worthy for its suspense. So far we have three good scenes out of the entire movie. Great…
The scenery is more interesting than the movie itself. I would occasionally tune out all of the monotonous talking and just look at the crystal clear waters and elegant jungles of Brazil. Too bad this isn’t a travel documentary of South America. It’s a horror movie! Shouldn’t I feel…scared? Well I didn’t. Instead I just wanted to go to South America and see all the sights. I feel like with this storyline, I shouldn’t want to get to Brazil in a hurry, but it really didn’t effect me at all.
Turistas is a stupid movie with more than enough chances provided to be good. Unfortunately, it’s pretty much just a lame excuse to get a group of women to walk around in bikinis for half of a movie, add a scene or two of gore, and say “There, it’s a horror movie. Who wouldn’t want to watch this?” Well, me for starters. Then I’d say most of the people who were forced to sit through this derivative mess of a movie. Save yourself an hour and a half of your time, and don’t watch this. Instead watch a torture/gore horror film of this period that does it right, like Hostel.