The Seventh Sign – Review

1 Sep

Movies about the impending apocalypse can be really cool, especially when the story is immersed in literature from all sorts of religions. It’s a cool way of seeing some pretty odd beliefs about what’s to come, but all still really interesting. For Christians, it’s the coming of the Anti-Christ, which has been done very well in films like The Omen. But, hey, we’re not talking about that movie. Not yet, anyway. Today, I’m looking at a movie that I never heard of before a little while ago, The Seventh Sign. While this movie does have a cool premise and is deeply rooted in the beliefs of Christians and Jews to weave an intricate story, it’s just so so so so so boring.

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In the year 1988, signs of the apocalypse foretold thousands of years ago begin happening, like earthquakes, blood moons, and rivers turning into blood. Meanwhile, Abby Quinn (Demi Moore), a mild mannered woman desperately worried about her unborn son’s survival, is trying hard to remain optimistic along with her husband Russell (Michael Biehn). With Russell’s trial of a mentally challenged man convicted of murdering his parents going down the drain and the possibility of a baby on the way, the couple decides to rent out a room to a mysterious traveller (Jürgen Prochnow). The traveller brings a lot of strange occurrences to the Quinns, which lead to more signs of man kind’s impending doom. What Abby doesn’t realize is that her life and her unborn child’s life means a lot more to humanity than she could possibly imagine.

This sounds like it could be a pretty cool movie about the mythology that surrounds passages from different religious texts, and it really should’ve been. In fact, there were some pretty neat scenes in The Seventh Sign. Unfortunately, for every one of those cool scenes, there was three boring ones and at least one obnoxiously ludicrous one to follow. This includes one of the most unbelievably outlandish flashback sequences that nearly ruined the entire movie for me. It’s fine to add some twists, turns, or revelations, but don’t make them quite this stupid.

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But, you know, I can deal with some laughably stupid things in a movie if everything else makes up for it. Like the story for instance? Maybe? Nope. It baffles me how such a cool concept for a movie could be so mind numbingly boring. I stopped this movie several times to do something else, and then had to force myself to continue. The movie is a brisk hour and a half but it feels so much longer since the plot is absolutely devoid of any mystery or suspense. That’s also baffling considering that there’s a huge mystery at the center of the plot. All of the actually cool parts of this movie like the murder trial weaving into the apocalyptic tale would bolster the movie even more if the result was satisfying. Instead, the movie just sort of ends and that’s that.

It almost hurts saying that this is a bad movie, because it was really close. Demi Moore’s performance was very believable and I would’ve really rooted for her to succeed if I felt like the movie was engaging me even a little bit. Michael Biehn and John Taylor were also spot on, but Jürgen Prochnow unfortunately didn’t really do anything despite how important his character is. That is one of the biggest aspects of the film that had potential and was wasted by a screenplay that was trying so hard to be way more complex and mysterious than it actually was.

The Seventh Sign is a movie that has so much wasted potential, it makes me wanna puke. There are a handful of scenes and plot points that are so interesting and unique that are thrown away for a much more generic story that has been done before except a hell of a lot better. The Book of Revelations and the end of the universe is full of things that could make a movie great, but this isn’t one of those movies. This one is a stinker that made me wish I was watching The Seventh Seal or The Omen.

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